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Confidence in Your Coaching Methods
In this episode Beverly Sartain and I discuss amazing coaching methods.
By listening to this episode you will learn how to coach with confidence
Hello there. Today we have a very special guest. Her name is Beverly and how do you pronounce your last name? Sartain. Yep, we got it. Sartain, and she has been in our Health Coach Nation Facebook Community for quite a while now. She’s been a coach for quite a while now. And she has a certification program for coaches who want to improve their skills or want to become a coach and that kind of thing.
So I’m going to let Beverly introduce herself and what she does and her story. And we’re going to talk today about how you can improve your coaching skills. Because I think a lot of people think, Oh, I just need another marketing tactic, I need another thing to add. But sometimes you just have to improve your actual delivery. And that in and of itself is going to help your business so much. So welcome to the show, Beverly.
Thank you so much, Hailey, I’m really glad that you just said that. Because I truly believe that to be true. I think when we can be confident in who we are, and really confident in and our capabilities as a coach that that confidence exudes. People feel that when you talk to them on a discovery call or through your marketing or through, you know how you’re putting yourself out there. So I really feel like it does start there. And so just a little bit about me. I’ve been doing coaching for about seven years now, I was a substance abuse counselor.
And I transitioned from counseling to coaching. So I tend to have a lot of clinicians that come my way counselors, therapists, social workers, like people that have been in the helping profession, because that’s my story. I worked in nonprofits for 10 years doing domestic violence work and working in the recovery community. And my story is around that, too. I grew up in a domestic violent home with my mom and dad and have had my own issues with substances and mental health. And at the time untreated childhood trauma.
So I went on a journey about 15 years ago to get sober and start the healing process. And so that’s kind of what led me to become a substance abuse counselor. And then I kind of hit a crossroads in my journey. Where I was thinking, okay, what’s next. I felt like, the system was kind of capping me out of like, the potential that I had. And really what I wanted to share with people because I had studied spiritual psychology, and so I knew I wanted to share more of that.
But then there’s a lot of red tape and a lot of ways that you have to do things when you’re doing it a clinical way. And so that’s kind of when coaching came on my radar. And I just fell in love with that right away. I knew right away, when I did my first coach training. I was about three months in my first coach training.
Transformation with a Coach
And I just went all in. I hired a mentor coach. And I started my business and I just started to put myself out there. So I I love coaching, because I always say spiritual psychology offered me my first transformation. And my second transformation has definitely come through learning how to coach and sharing coaching now with other people. So now we have our own Training Institute, the holistic coach Training Institute. And so we help people learn how to coach on the four levels of the mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical.
And I think something that makes us very different is that I put such an emphasis on the coach. On the coach being healthy on the coach, looking at those four levels and their own life. Just because of my journey, it’s been really important to help from a healthy place. And to continue to look at ourselves and continue to grow. And not just be in this mindset of I have to serve. I have to give to other people at the expense of myself. So, you know. That’s kind of the philosophy behind the holistic approach is that not only are we learning how to serve people holistically, but we’re also looking at ourselves holistically. So that’s a little bit about how I got to our mat. Yeah,
I love it. Well, first of all, what a journey that you’ve been on. And what a gift you gave to yourself. By kind of learning how to coach yourself and getting help from other you know, things outside of you to help you through that because I really think us becoming coaches and learning how to ask ourselves questions and how to have an open non judgmental space for ourselves. That is like one of the best gifts and you you had many options of how you could have dealt with your childhood and growing up.
And the fact that you really took this into your own hands and have come this far like that is really amazing. I think that one of the things that I want to highlight about what you said two things, actually, one is that we as coaches have to be our best selves, we have to be, you know, looking at our own stuff, in order to be able to serve our clients, the best way we can, we can’t be serving from an empty cup and just, you know, constantly, people pleasing and things like that need to be coming from a full cup, and we need to be expanding ourselves.
Competent and Confident as a Coach
And then at the same time. The other thing that I really want to highlight. Especially because recently I noticed it within myself, is that you’re saying, you know, when we feel confident as a coach, and competent as a coach, we, that shows so much in our energy and everything we do. And recently, I was redoing my well, not redoing, but I was kind of reviewing. Like a couple things that I wanted to improve for clients and restructuring a couple things in my program and all of that stuff. It reminded me like, it kind of got me back to my roots. Like, this isn’t a mate, because sometimes you get, you go through the motions, and you’re like, yeah, I still do this, you know, yada, yada.
But I really looked at and I was like, this is great, like, saving people so much. And I’m like this, and it kind of like reignited my, like passion for this. Because I’m like this needs to get out there to more can. And I know that, you know, I’ve been in the coaching industry for a long time for 10 years. I started when I was I had to get legal guardians to sign like my paperwork and everything. So it’s been a long time. And it’s easy to sometimes, you know, just get into going through the motions, but you have to constantly be improving yourself. Reminding yourself of why you’re doing this and that kind of thing. And I kind of had that re invigoration of like confidence.
Recently, as I was reading through all the work I’ve done the past 10 years. So tell us how to somebody, let’s say they are interested in taking a holistic approach with their clients. What are some tips when you when you said mental physical, like, dive into some of that and tell me more about how they can start using that in their coaching practice?
Yeah. So that those four levels I learned when I was studying spiritual psychology. I mean, obviously, those four four levels are not just spiritual psychology. I mean, it’s it’s an approach that a lot of people look at and take. But what I like about it is it’s very well rounded, and well balanced. So where, you know, sometimes people will coach on one level. Let’s just say the physical level, they’re not taking into consideration maybe the mental level, or the emotional level that’s getting in the way of the physical results that maybe somebody is trying to. So and vice versa, like with spirituality and all these things. It’s just, it’s a very well, well-balanced approach to the coaching. You know, so I mean, it’s, it’s a, it’s a philosophy that anybody can take, and more.
Aligning with Your Coaching and Clients
So like you’re talking about when you’re in alignment with actually embodying that yourself. When you are looking at those four levels. Like I have a practice I do every day around the four levels, the mental level, the emotional level, the spiritual level, the physical level. So it’s, it’s a practice that I do so that I’m making sure I’m taking care of myself. Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. And then I can also use that that strategy when I’m serving somebody else.
So I just think that embodiment of the things that we are sharing with other people. Again, that’s the confidence and exuding that competency capability to people. That’s what creates clients. For me. I just had someone that circled back around. And you know, she’s like, I signed up with you, because your energy is very confident. And you know, just the way that you always show up. I’m very consistent with my energy. I consistently show up that’s something I appreciate about you to Hailey is that I find you to be very consistent.
So it’s these things, I think that pull people in and attract people. And it doesn’t mean that I’m confident in every area of my life. It doesn’t mean, it just means I’m confident in who I am. I think there’s a difference there. It’s not that I’m confident in in always how I put myself out there are jumping on a live like this or, you know, like those things.
So bring up nerves and uncertainty for me too. But it’s I am certain and confident in who I am. And the way that I’ve gotten there is by working those four levels. I’ve been working those four levels for about 15 years now. And now teaching those four levels for about 15 years now too. And so it’s just a different level of embodiment. When you are actually, you know, walk your talk. When you, you know, do what you preach to to other people.
So that way people can apply it right now is just looking at those four levels. And seeing like, are you taking good care of yourself on a daily basis. On those four levels, what might be a very simple action that you can do in each level, to support yourself so that you can get well rounded and grounded energy? Because that’s going to impact your confidence. It’s going to impact your visibility, it’s going to impact how you are marketing and showing up. So yeah, yes,
I can totally attest to the whole embodiment, and who you are being as who you attract. Because I realized I was thinking about the past. And I’m like, I don’t like a lot of the people now who come on calls, or who are interested in coaching, or like, game on, like, pretty solid, like ready to go.
I think that that’s changed for me, because it used to be a lot of people who are kind of like wishy-washy tire kickers. Because I was, you know, coming from lack. Or I was like, you know, in, I’m solid, and some of my things I was offering and that kind of thing. And I know when that changed for me, it changed who is connecting with me and who was reaching out.
And so I agree that anybody you attract, and the kinds of objections you’re hearing, and the kinds of things that you’re hearing can oftentimes be a really valuable lesson in what maybe you’re putting out there or the kind of no, that’s not to say that, you’re always going to have, you know, things that don’t work out failures, whatever. But I do think when you show up differently, the results of who you’re attracting are different. And I want to go through you said you have a daily practice with the four levels. So can you tell us what that is for you?
Yeah, and it’s very different now than it than it used to be. So now, my practice is far more intuitive. And so because I’m so well versed in it, I can, you know, just intuitively kind of ask myself, what do I need. So that’s how it’s changed before. When I first started, I literally had to be like, okay, today, I’m going to, you know, meditate for 10 minutes. And then I’m going to do this. Then I’m going to do this. And then I’m going to do this. I would have four activities. And that’s kind of another important point. It’s not about having a bunch of time.
And it’s not about doing a bunch of things, it is more a practice of being, right. So this morning, you know, already went for a walk with my husband, which is something we do consistently. And we talked about the business, talk about different things, right.
But that was one thing, we sat outside nature has been very important to me. So it’s like, it’s where I have more of a spiritual connection, that it also just grounds my energy. We spend a lot of time in the backyard. Because you have lots of nice trees, and we’ve got four dogs, and so we spend a lot of time out there thrown the ball, and that kind of stuff. So I already did that this morning, as well. Um, so we got that physical in, we got the spiritual, but also some of these, these levels overlap, right. So you will do certain things. And they will count for other things, too. You know, they will, you could call it mental, you could call it emotional, then I work with crystals.
So I just have these. I always make like a sacred space for myself. So I already did a Facebook live in my group today. And then I knew I was going to be coming on with you, Hailey. So you know. Creating some sacred space here with candles, sage crystals, that’s another way that I support myself, as well. So did that, um, that supports me emotionally as well. And then do something after we get off because this will kind of be my last thing that I have to do for today that will support me and kind of letting go of work for the day. That’s that’s right.
Yeah, great examples. Yeah. And one of the things I want to also a couple things first. With your certification program, I just want to highlight to everybody we’ll put in the show notes, a link to that. And that can just be at haileyrowe.com/coaching-tips. Yeah. We’ll have to remember that as a URL. And then also I want to highlight that your program is ICF accredited, I believe it is. Yes. So that’s one of the gold standards in the coaching industry. Even though the coaching industry kind of doesn’t have a ton of standards. That might change in the future. But, um, but the ICF thing is really great. And can you tell us like what’s what to you makes a great coach.
Like. What are some things that people who are listening who may be either going through certification or who want to go through certification? Or maybe they’re already certified, but they want to keep improving? What are some things they can do to just better their skills as a coach?
Yeah, I mean, I just want to acknowledge anybody who has gone through a certification is going through. And if you’re curious, you know, definitely reach out, there’s really great benefits to doing it. And, you know, again, I come from a clinical background. So it’s very easy for clinicians to say, Oh, I already know how to do that. And we hear that all the time on Discovery. And then I have people that go through the program and go, Wow, that was nothing like what I thought it was going to be, and I was not doing that. So it’s, it’s really important to understand that there’s different skill sets involved. And so you know, I feel like you can better your skill set by taking a coach training, I like to teach the holistic way to do it.
Because while you’re going through the coach certification, not only are you gaining and professional skills, but you’re going to have so many shifts personally, because of the way that I set up the program. And there’s there’s truly an unfolding and a process that happens there. But knowing like the core competencies, I think are really, really great. The ICF core competencies, they have eight core competencies.
And these are particular skills that you get really good at. You know, you get really good at asking powerful questions. Or you get really good at holding presence. Which I think is the most important core competency and actually takes time to develop, you get really good at getting a clear agreement and measure of success, so that you’re actually clear on what the person wants from the coaching session, and you’re following up at the end of the coaching session that makes sure that they got what they wanted to get.
There’s just there’s so many opportunities to become proficient in it. And again, when you go for that mastery, that proficiency that competency, it does something for you inside of yourself. And and I really, like we’ve been saying feel like that’s connected to client creation, as well. So I would just encourage people to stay connected. I mean, I even have a CCIE program that we meet once a month, and it’s super, super affordable.
And people just love to stay connected to it. Because we do some coach supervision. People bring certain coaching cases to to the group, and we talk about how to handle certain things. So talking about ethics. I just think if you keep yourself in a coaching container, you keep yourself surrounded by people who are going for proficiency and confidence in these things and coaching, it just it propels you forward. And that’s why I always say coaching has been my second transformation.
Because I’ve stayed in these coaching containers for the last seven years that I started my business. And. There’s no way I would be where I’m at right now with what I’m doing in the world, had I not, you know, continued to be coached. Put myself in these containers and continue to develop my skills. It’s just, it has catapulted me so far beyond what I thought I was capable of. And so. I have such a high regard for learning how to coach. And being really good at it, and sharing it with other people. So I’m gonna be some of my, my ideas.
So what is just so everybody knows CCE? What does that stand
out? continuing coach, okay. So when you get your ICF credential, you have to do a certain amount of coach, continuing hours of education. Just like you have to do when you’re a clinician. And so you have to make sure that you get those hours done in a certain amount of years. And so I just have a monthly program that has been accredited by the ICF as well. So this CCE program is also accredited by them. Nice.
Yeah. And I know they’re CEOs too. I have to get
the right. damn thing.
Right. So and also, I’m one of the things that you just mentioned this asking powerful questions. And I totally agree with that. And I also totally agree that Bobby being coached continuing to be coached if your coach is truly awesome and amazing. I do have a, I have a coaching session every week. And it’s the funniest thing that you just don’t realize things you’re saying, as a coach that you know better but you’re, you have blind spots. So I want to ask you about powerful questions. What’s an example? Like, a not so powerful question versus a powerful question? I get this all the time.
All the students are always like, Oh, that was such a powerful question. What’s what’s really funny to me about powerful questions is that when people learn powerful questions, it’s like they want to have a list of powerful questions right and That’s a great place to start because it gives you some ideas of what a powerful question might be. But when I teach it, I always say the most powerful questions are oftentimes the simplest questions. So when we think about powerful questions, we think it’s like, it’s some profound question that like, elicits all this awareness and insight for the person. But my personal experience is that the most powerful questions come from active listening, and presence. So you have to be listening actively, and like, you have to listen for the deeper meaning of things.
And to be able to do that you have to be completely present. And so I teach, you know, making sure you’re in your heart, not your head when you’re coaching. So I find oftentimes people are meeting you know, they say, meeting of the minds, people are like, two egos are coming together to coach. That’s not how I teach it. And the lista coach certification program, it’s much more heart centered. So when we’re in our heart, and we’re listening from our heart, what are the powerful questions that then come from that place? It’s very different. So, you know, sometimes the most powerful questions for me, are me just I call it bouncing the ball back. So they say a bunch of stuff.
And then I just say, when you hear yourself, say all that, what do you think? So it just helps highlight another insight or awareness that they might have already had, it helps ground it even more, because instead of me summarizing everything that I just heard, or reflecting back to them what I just heard them say, which again, is very up in the head, I just stay present and in my heart, and I just asked them, What do you think about that? What’s the most important thing that just came out of that share that you just said? What’s the most meaningful, right?
So those types of questions, they really elicit more of the insight and awareness, which is what coaching is, it’s helping somebody find their own insight and awareness, and then supporting them, and what do you want to do with it? You know, what action might you want to take on this? So that’s what makes coaching coaching is the insight to the action.
Okay, yes. And somebody said in the chat, I can’t see who it is, because I’m on stream yard, but they said, so valuable and true. Ladies, thank you so much. I appreciate that. If you guys have any questions, and you’re here live, feel free to ask in the comments.
So I agree about that. That’s really, I love the bouncing the ball back. That you’re playing with somebody, you’re kind of like, you know, it’s it’s together. It’s teamwork. And some of my favorite questions I’ve
in my I know, you can’t just have a list that you know that sometimes I’ll listen to coaching calls, and the coach will say, you’ve just told me all this. So what like, what’s the, like, what matters about this? And then the other thing is, what if it does, we’re insert worst case scenario, because truly, there’s sometimes stuff that people are just that they say it out loud, they realize, oh, wow, wait, that’s Yeah,
what if questions?
Wait. So um, one thing I want to ask you is the balance between as a coach because here’s my, I have my own philosophy on this. I am both marketing strategist and coach and coach. Okay, so, in other words, I don’t expect to all my clients to have every answer about marketing within themselves personally, and coaching in general, is about having somebody having the answers within themselves, and you’re bringing it out of them, you bringing out their inner genius, right? And I struggle with that definition in being a business and marketing coach, because again, I don’t believe my clients who’ve never done something with, you know, Instagram, organic marketing or whatever. Know that within, and maybe I’m wrong, but how do you balance giving advice? Yeah, and being a coach and bringing out answers and someone?
Yeah, it’s a great, it’s a great question. Because we would say in coaching, you don’t ever give advice. There’s a particular skill, there’s a there’s a skill called direct communication that I teach people. So when you use direct communication, the the framework is asking for permission. So it would be like, you know, saying like, I have a tip around this, can I share it with you? Or this is what a lot of my my clients like to do when it comes to this particular thing.
Do you mind if I let you know what that is? So you basically are asking for permission to jump in, and then share whatever it is the tip, the strategy, the tool, the exercise, the whatever, and then you circle back around and say what out of that is useful for you in regards to what we’re talking about here. So there’s absolutely space for you to like, put that marketing hat on, or that advisor hat or that mentor hat you know, like There’s space for you to bring that forward. But you wouldn’t stay in that space of continuing to share it that way.
So that’s, that’s how I teach people to do it. Because people you know, we all we all have like maybe an exercise that might might be useful. We all have different tools and tips that might be useful to the client when they’re bringing something forward. But in coaching, you want to ask for permission around that you want to bring it forward, and you want to make sure it’s what the person really wants to be working on doing, or getting value from. So that’s Yes,
very well said. I like that approach of asking permission and permission base, and not expecting that, you know, it’s going to be the right thing for that, but instead saying what’s useful for you and that? So what about some no no’s during coaching sessions? Or in coaching? What would you say? are some common mistakes or things you’ve seen in the industry?
Yeah, well, definitely advice giving. But I’m leading, I get a lot of leaders. Because in counseling and therapy, you very much are leading. And this is always like blows people’s minds when they go through the program, because they are like, I had no idea that I was leading so much. Because when you’re a counselor or a therapist, oftentimes it’s about your own insight that you’re having into what the person saying, versus eliciting that insight from them. You’re oftentimes giving tools and tips when you’re a counselor or a therapist to have you tried this, what if you do this? Can I make a suggestion? Well, that would be permission.
That would actually be the right way to do it. But usually, they’re saying like, hey, try this, meditate, do this, do that. Right. So I’m making sure that it’s collaborative, and it’s not you leading, which is what I oftentimes see from people that go through the program. It’s, it’s we just we have that tendency to take charge, when the truth is, this is supposed to be a partnership. And we’re supposed to be helping our person learn how to take charge themselves and bring forward what what needs to come forward. That would probably be the biggest thing that I see is that people need in the coaching. Yeah. Really good.
And what about when it comes to? I had a question about when you are, as a coach, it’s not your job to be somebody’s best friend, your job to stroke their ego and support their stories, they’ve been telling themselves like, yeah, you have had a tough week you do. I mean, I don’t know. Just saying like, you have to stay in the coaching position where you’re neutral, you’re asking questions, etc, you’re holding space. So how does somebody who feels kind of uncomfortable, like they get they get their ego involved?
Or they get something like, well, I really want to just give this person a hug, and just like, feel sorry for them and not really offer anything else? You know, like, how do you balance like, sometimes giving the tough love or giving a different a question that allows someone to see something maybe they haven’t been seeing when it’s uncomfortable? How do you manage that? Yeah,
it’s one of my favorite things, because I can be very direct in my coaching. And so that’s why I really like the direct communication as a skill. Because the direct communication is really, it is about calling out a pattern that you might be seeing it is about sometimes bringing light to something that is a blind spot, like you were talking about before, right? So one of the core competencies is trust and safety. And so for trust and safety, we can acknowledge we can appreciate we can thank the person for sharing there is like a lot of that where we are acknowledging them, but it’s not in the form of per se, being a cheerleader, it’s more in the form of I’m a coach, and I’m acknowledging like what I’m hearing or I’m gonna appreciate you for your insight that you have.
So pair that trust and safety then with another core competency from the ICF, which is evoking awareness, the powerful questions, the direct communication all fall under evoking awareness. So if you’re seeing somebody have like, a similar pattern, like they’re not taking action on something that they said they were gonna take action on, or there’s a slew of things that could be a pattern, they have victim consciousness, like they’re always looking at the glass, like the glass half empty and everything that they share. If you’re noticing a theme or a pattern or something, you would use the direct communication to just say, Hey, can I share something that that I’m experiencing, and then you would bring it forward in a very short and concise non judgmental way.
And then check in with them to see what insights or awareness they might be receiving from what you’re seeing or perceiving or picking up on So I love that because part of the work I do with people is much deeper on. So I am somebody that goes deeper. And so this particular skill allows me to bring forward my intuition that allows me to bring forward if I’m hearing or seeing a pattern somebody might be having.
And I always hold that Hailey in a way that I’m bringing this forward to create more trust and safety with this person, I’m bringing this forward for the Partnership for this collaboration. So I’m never bringing it forward in in an air of like being malicious in any sort of way or mean, that’s not that’s not the energy that I approached the direct communication, it’s more like, Hey, I’m noticing this thing like, Can we get curious about this? And how this might be getting in the way or playing into you getting what you truly want right now? So yeah, it’s an awesome
city over judgment, right? That with ourselves to when we have these thoughts that are mean to ourselves? That’s really we rather than doing that, approaching it with curiosity, why do I think that’s about myself? What, what’s going on there? Right. And one of the things too, that I wanted to ask you is, when it comes to if we all have coaching skills, and we all are good coaches, how do we stand? How do we then stand out? Because if every coach is following the same competencies, right, so what are some ways to stand out as a coach?
Well, one of the ways that that I believe, and this is kind of spiritual psychology, languaging, but it’s, it’s being in touch with your own loving essence is the verbage. They use, I sometimes just say, being in touch with your own essence. So this is that thing we were talking about earlier about being confident in who you are, right, knowing what your strengths are, your skills are your story, right, I have a very particular story. And I’m not afraid to share my story with people in service, again, to connecting with people, and service to connecting with my people that are going to resonate with it.
Right. So I think that is one thing that is really going to make you stand out is like knowing the truth of who you are. knowing the truth of who you are, beyond being a coach beyond being a mom beyond being a partner beyond any of those things, like who are you, and that’s kind of that spiritual level for me, is I’m really, like, keen on that level, and knowing the truth of who I am. And so I really share the truth of who I am with people. And to be quite honest, that’s how I create a lot of connections and clients. So that would be be one thing that I would really encourage people to hone in on. And I just gave a couple of other things, you know, just sharing your story.
And, and knowing that your story makes you very unique and different, you know, also, knowing who you’re best suited for, you know, I know, I’m best suited for helping professionals, because that’s part of my story, people, helping professionals really connect to my story because they get it you know, they get being in the trenches, and doing direct services with people and maybe feeling unfulfilled in that work at a certain point and wanting to do something else. So people that have been through hard life challenges tend to really like me and my story and want to participate. And in the journey, because that’s been my journey, too. So I think that helps you stand out is also sharing your unique story and really owning your unique story. So those are a couple things,
I’d say that we completely agree that story is, is really what helps you stand out. And you’re going to resonate more with certain types of people who can relate to your story. And you and, and the thing that I come across a lot that really, when it comes to is they fear, so maybe they Okay, so they say I don’t know what makes me special. But then they also say, I don’t know if I can provide the results that I’m marketing? Because it depends on the client. And it depends on what they do if they follow, like, and so how do you navigate trying to market yourself as a coach and get the benefits and results because marketing is very different than than coaching?
It’s more like you’re saying, you know, what are the outcomes someone can expect? And what are the benefits? So how do you navigate that? And being able to confidently say, you know, I can help you do X, Y and Z, when you have that fear there about either your coaching, I mean, sometimes I think people just are afraid of their own. They don’t feel like they have the coaching skills. But then other times I feel like they think well but if the client doesn’t do this, this and this, then it’s not gonna work. So how do you navigate that?
Yeah, I mean, I love that one of one of the core competencies is embodies a coaching mindset and one of the bullets under embodies that coaching mindset is that that I’m not risking answerable for the results. So that’s a new core competency that the ICF just added. And it’s been really cool to see that because that core competency in particular is much more about like supporting the coach, which they never had before. And so I think one of the things that makes it easy for me is I, I’m not the one that creates the results. I’m 100% clear of that, I know that my job is the facilitation of the space. And so the way that I facilitate the space is I make sure that I’m a clear vessel, and that I’m working on myself, and I’m in good standing with myself.
So that and of course, I know the skills and I know the framework of a coaching session and all the things that I teach. So I am confident in all of that. And so I think that’s important, because this is kind of even how my healing journey began is that I was trying to serve people when I wasn’t serving myself. I was helping people from an unhealthy place, I was trying to get value and worth and all these things from being of service to other people. And so it set up a very codependent way of being with people.
So that was the journey I’ve been on is that I don’t want to operate and that sort of a way that I’m somehow the person that’s, you know, going to get the, this other person results, like, I know, the space I facilitate, I know the quality of experience that I provide to people like, those are all the things again, that I’m very confident in.
And so I also am very confident and communicating that to people that coaching isn’t about me getting you something in particular, you know that that this is the transformation that can happen. And that’s the truth, these are the things that can’t happen. I know, because I’ve had a lot of those things happen for me personally, right. But you’re gonna have to do the work, you know, we’re gonna partner up and do this work together. So I really use the discovery call, as just a place where I really communicate what coaching is, coaching isn’t that expectation of like, you’re the one driving the bus, like I might be sitting passenger seat with you. But you’re the one who’s going to create these results, I’m going to be here with you.
And you know, I have some framework for you to do this within. But I think that the coach truly buying into that is so important. Because otherwise, if you’re talking earlier, it’s like that’s when you get the wishy washy results. If there’s that clear boundary, and there’s clear communication about that, then when the results aren’t happening, then we can use the direct communication to find the blind spot or the barrier or the real issue. So that that might shift and then the person may be able to create what they truly want.
Yes, I’m so glad you said something I teach to I always say, guys, you’re you can say this is what can happen. If you you know, leverage the tools and do all these things. You’re not saying it is absolutely 100%? Certain because it does it is a two way partner, right? Oh, I’m so glad you said that. And I think that setting the expectations is so key people can’t read your mind. If you say, you know, this is what you can expect from me, and this is what I’m hoping I could expect from you. And this is what we’re going to try to do together and that kind of thing.
I love the way you just answer that question. And the other huge mind blowing moment, is you don’t want to rely on your clients for your own self worth, right. You know, to me, you know, and like, Oh my gosh, you know, I’m more valuable person because these people are doing X, Y and Z and I am a huge testimonial Queen, like I post testimonials almost every
Like I do share those. However, I know. I’m still a valuable person, I don’t think you
mature, like, you know, you don’t want to let that be the be all end all of your self worth and confidence. Um, so I love what you just said there. And the last thing I want to ask you or really, at least before we go definitely hit on this is if you’re new coach, and you still have that sense of imposter syndrome. I’m not enough or haven’t done this long enough. How the heck do you come from a competent, competent place? And what do you say to that question?
I love this question. And I’m going to give y’all some direct communication around this. So here’s my thing, if imposter syndrome is coming up for you, like, I encourage you to acknowledge that and look for the learning. There’s something there’s a message here, there’s a message that is trying to get to you around this. So it’s I’m judging yourself because you’re having imposter syndrome, please, you know, choose the perspective of what’s my learning here, this message is coming forward for a reason. So what is that? And this is precisely why I encourage you to do your inner work, do your inner work.
Four Levels: Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, and Physically
And that can start with, you know, how am I doing on these four levels mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically? How am I doing today, mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally? You know, and just checking in with yourself. How do you want to be doing on those levels? How do you want to be feeling experiencing life, you know, so that you can start to see where your roadblocks are, where your barriers are, where your blind spots are? And I know you talked about perfection a lot, Hailey, which I always love, because I’ve, I’ve had issues with that in the past.
So when I talk about like being at your best as a coach, or looking at these levels, I’m not talking about being perfect. There’s, there’s no such thing, perfectionism is a misunderstanding. But you want to be feeling good in those different levels. You want to be feeling good mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
And so what do you need to be doing as a coach in order to be feeling good, in whatever way you want to be feeling good on those levels, because the truth is, if you’re doing that, you’re not going to be an imposter. You’re going to be doing your work, you’re going to be staying mindful and aware of what your own inner stuff is. And you can I always say you can keep healing and working on yourself while you coach other people, you absolutely can, you do not have to sideline yourself, and just do the inner work.
Last, you’ve got some really, you know, bigger issues, which I’ve had to do before around trauma and mental health and substances. And so I did have to, you know, focus on that for a while before I was able to get back on my path. So just listen to that message. Instead of beating yourself up for it and judging yourself. Do what we do as coaches is we look for the learning, we look for the solution, we take the information and use it in a positive way for ourselves.
Yeah, for sure. And when I ask sometimes what comes up for people and I asked what what would you be doing? If you did feel good about it? Sometimes it’s very simple answers would just be practicing some coaching calls this week with some people, I would just be you know, like, and, and then it’s like problem solving. on yourself, like you said, Oh, you should I mean, I would hope that coaches continue to work on yourself. What’s a bigger red flag to me is like, if you think I’m checked out, like, I’m perfect, I made it. I am done on myself. Just here to kick back. And, you know, to me, that’s, that’s more alarming than being somebody who’s continuously I’d much rather be working on myself.
We all have, you know, room to to grow and to evolve. Absolutely.
Yeah. So what’s one final question, what is the hardest part that you’ve had to face or go through as somebody starting a certification program?
Hmm, as somebody starting the certification? I think what’s really interesting because I’ve done so many cohorts. Now, what’s really fascinating to me, like being the person witnessing the process, is people have to let go of control. And people have to trust the process. And I get it. Like at the beginning, maybe they’re new to me. And they’re new to this experience. And I think new experiences always challenge people to just settle in and just be with the process and be with what’s coming up. So it’s been super fascinating to see that over and over and over again with me.
Every single cohort, there’s like a certain amount of sessions that happened before people really settle into the experience open their heart and like allow themselves to have all the good learnings. And before that, and there’s just there’s a lot of trust and safety and control stuff going on. So that’s been really fascinating. For me, I was like something unexpected that I wasn’t expecting from being a teacher or like, seeing that.
I think that’s one of the hardest things in life is letting go of things you can’t control and meeting the need for certainty. Yeah, every if you think about it, everything we’re scared to try or, or the future that we’re fearing, or whatever all comes from this quest for certainty and comfort and, and that kind of thing. So I think, really, your business is teaching you also just the life, skill and the life, they expect the theme of needing, you know, we don’t have certainty, and we have to be, you have to get comfortable with that. And we have to, you know, know that we can’t control everything. So I.
And that’s, to me, like that core. Core competency of presence is like, we have to learn how to just be in the present moment, even if sometimes that means we’re out of control, or we’re uncomfortable, or whatever. And in my certification program, you know, people turn on recordings or listening to people coach. They work with a practice partner the whole time. So they’re being coached. They’re giving coaching there’s like tremendous learnings that happen for people and so there’s there’s learnings, like around getting feedback for me that come up for people because they hear it as criticism versus feedback. So learnings happen there, there’s just there’s a lot of opportunity for learning.
People have that. Yeah. Okay, Beverly, I have enjoyed this so much. We’re gonna have this up at haileyrowe.com/coaching-tips. I put the link to your certification in this facebook live below. And how can everybody connect with you as well? Because I know you’re in the group and you could share all Yeah,
I’m in the group. I’m generally mostly on Facebook and LinkedIn, because those are the spaces that makes sense for who I serve. And I also like to say that I I just recently started my own podcasts Holistic Coach Legacy Podcast, and thank you and doing like coaching demos on there, where you can actually hear me coach, other people. They’re about 30 minutes, sessions, but they’re from front to end. You can hear me coaching other people and I talk about what specifically you know, I maybe did in that coaching conversation, I even talked about what I maybe could have done better.
So there’s there’s a lot of good learning available there. And I also feature some other guests and do some tips in there. So if you’re a coach, this is one of those ways that you can continue to develop your coaching skills is by even hearing somebody else coach and see what powerful questions or what things you can pull out that you might be able to add to your coaching.
Love it. What, did you say the name of the podcast yet?
Yeah, Holistic Coach Legacy Podcast.
Awesome. All right. Well, thank you so much, Beverly.
Thank you so much. Bye.
About Beverly Sartain
Beverly Sartain went from suffering through substance abuse, mental health as well as trauma issues to owning her own successful coaching business and brand. Her business has heart and meaning and she strives to inspire you to do the same.
- Holistic Coaching Institute
- Holistic Coach Legacy Podcast
- Complimentary Business Consult
- Health Coach Nation: Marketing, Business, & Mindset for Health Coaches
You can find Beverly on her website here.