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Success Mindset
In this episode, Heidi Gruss and I discuss a success mindset.
By listening to this episode you will learn how to successfully conquer your mindset.
Emotional challenges as an entreprenter
I thought it was all right. We’re live. I’m here with Heidi Gruss. And we are going to be talking today because she is a licensed psychotherapist, a Transformation Strategist and an entrepreneur, just like many of you listeners who want to grow your business.
Heidi can help us through some of those emotional challenges when it comes to being an entrepreneur, some of the mental strength we need to develop to grow in our business. And, Heidi, I am a business strategist. But one of the things that I make sure I talk about with my clients is that it can be, you know, strategy and doing the right things and all that in your business.
But if your mindset sucks, and if you’re not consistent with it, and you are talking yourself out of doing things, and you’re making everything heavy and emotional and dramatic, you’re going to have a terrible time growing your business. So we do work through mindset blocks in the zero to hero, Coach inner circle. And I seek out the top experts in this kind of stuff.
So I’m so excited to have you today on the podcast. Tell us a little bit about what are some of the main roadblocks you see in entrepreneurs, and specifically coaches, when it comes to starting and growing their business?
Tips to overcome fear
Yeah. And so thanks so much, Hailey. And, you know, I would say the first two things that come to mind, right, is fear, right, and fear all around, you know, fear. Am I good enough? Is my content, you know, my deliverables? Are they valuable? Are they going to be well received? And do people understand, you know, my perspective, the lens that I’m looking through here? So fear all around number one?
And the second one? I would say, you know, and, and not second, because it’s less than necessarily, but, um, is what is everybody thinking of me? What once I put this content out there, once I endorse a certain strategy, or whatever it is, you know, is, what are people going to think, you know, what are people going to disagree? What you know, what kind of feedback we’re going to get? And, you know, or even the fear? And what are people going to think about me as I market myself for my business, which, you know, just a Facebook Live or something? Yeah,
totally. So I’m going to, I’m going to throw at you some common comments that I’ve heard from coaches, and you tell me what you think about how to reframe, and how to start to work through that, because I was just at Unleash the Power Within with Tony Robbins. And it was an amazing event, and it was a tense event. And one of the things he was talking about is really anything. You can reframe anything, and he talks about your physiological state. So how are you sitting? How are you positioned? How are you?
You know, are you if of course, if your heads down, and you’re slouching, and you’re tired, you’re gonna have negative thoughts and feel bad and be less happy in the moment, right? So he talks about physiologically changing your body, but he also talks about, how do you verbally communicate, and you know, all the things that causes you to change your patterns. And I think you really come in when it comes to this mindset piece. So I want to, I want to throw some at you and hear what you would say.
So let’s say I’m a coach, and I feel like, well, the information is already out there. And I don’t know if what I’m sharing, like health tips or life coaching tips or whatever, is good enough for people to actually pay me for it. And for me to charge for it? I don’t I don’t know how I feel about that. What would you say to somebody who said that?
So this is touching on a few different topics, right? Um, so you know, for, you know, first and foremost, nothing, there’s really no original content left, right. And so we’re all repackaging things that we have made our own. We’re putting it out there, you know, standing in our own place of power, our own place of brilliance, and we’re putting our original spin on it. And so I just want everyone to keep that in mind, you know, because you can Google anything, it’s not people aren’t really just looking for the answer. You can find answers. They want to relate to you.
They want to see you as approachable and that you understand where they’re coming from. And I think that’s so important. In the coaching world, it’s so much about relatability and relationship building. The other piece, though, that you touched on in terms of can I really charge for the solution that I’m offering and that’s really speaks to the individual’s relationship with money. Right. So you know, and what are your money stories and you know, what, what is the value? Have your true self worth and recognizing, you know that, yes, you can charge and it is worthy. So there’s some some self esteem stuff in there, too. So those are the major themes.
And I think you’re hitting on with that question. And so that’s the transformational work that needs to happen there. You know, that’s the place where we have to get in and address those old stories that you’ve been telling yourself that maybe you’re not good enough, or you compare yourself to the other people in your sort of area, and saying, I could never be as good as her right? Well, we don’t need you to be, we need you to be the best version of you. And that’s, that is a lot of the free reframing that happens within the transformation methodology program, because we want to bring out your individual authenticity. Yeah, yeah. And
I think a lot of people think in order to be successful, I have to do it like so and so or have to do exactly what my coach says, and I’m really a big fan of, I’ve worked with so many coaches and so many programs, taking what’s useful, discarding what’s not me, and, you know, adapting and making things, you know, what’s going to work and what I’m actually going to do and all that, and, but I also think there’s this common thing of, if it doesn’t feel, if everything doesn’t feel good, then I shouldn’t be doing it.
And I think that that’s a misleading thing. Because when you’re new and you’re starting something new, it is going to feel scary, it is going to feel weird, it is going to feel hard. And so I also think there’s a fine line between doing what’s authentic to you. And but also making sure you’re not just saying it’s not authentic to you, because you don’t want to get uncomfortable and do anything else.
normalize all of that by saying, you know, listen, if I asked you on Monday to walk around with your shoes on the wrong feet for the entire week, right, you’d be able to do it. But on Monday, right? When you put those shoes out, even standing up feels awkward. Right? And you start walking? And if you’re clumsy? Yeah, you know, there’s, you’re moving much slower than you would if your shoes were on the right feet, right.
But by the end of the week, by Friday, if you stay consistent with it, you would still feel uncomfortable. And it would still probably be a little awkward. But you would have found a groove. Yeah, you found a certain way to be able to get from point A to point B, with, you know, much more grace than you had on Monday. Yeah. So, you know, it’s the same thing here. Yeah.
And I love what you said about, you know, they’re not signing up for your tips like nobody’s paying you as a coach, just because you give an answer that they could go Google, they’re paying you for a transformation, they’re paying you to hold them accountable, they’re paying you to get themselves some structure, and not have to be in the convenience of having somebody who can guide them. So there’s a lot more to it, then you are not a commodity, you are not just selling sessions or tips or whatever, right.
And I think the thing I always go back to is think about all songs have the same structure, they have an intro, they have, you know, the chorus, they have a bridge. And they’re there’s many different genres, right? Which we could kind of also think of as like niches right? And the artists are completely different, and who you love as an artist and who you want to sing their songs and who you want to identify with. So different based on your personal preferences.
And so it’s the same thing with coaching, like you said. And the last thing I want to acknowledge that you said that was really good, is you are telling yourself, whether we realize it or not, we’re used to telling ourselves things and really proving them as true for us. I love this example there was I can’t remember where I heard this, but you could take two people with the Zack same or Well, actually, you could take one person with a bad let’s say, their circumstances growing up, were not that good. Maybe they had or most people would judge it as not good. But you could describe their narrative in two different ways.
And one narrative would sound make it sound terrible, and all these things and one narrative would could make it sound good and like they used it for growth and that, you know, they they didn’t see it as as awful as as many people judge it as so I think being able but as you said it’s like trying on a new outfit. Trying on a new story feels very awkward. The shoes feel like they don’t, they don’t fit yet they feel it feels you feel clunky. And so how does somebody start that transition? When When it feels like I don’t know where to start, I don’t want to just tell myself a lot. Like, we’re not just going to jump to a positive affirmation and believe it right now, like, so what does somebody do to start to shift a belief?
Well, so belief is built by doing. So I think we have to embrace that concept, right? You can’t just sit and read even a shelf of books in the personal development section of the bookstore, and walk away believing in yourself more, because you what you will have is you will have some motivation, and you’ll have some inspiration. But guess what, nobody is motivated or inspired seven days a week, right? Even I love what I do, I’m sure you love what you do. But you still have those days where it’s like, I just want to stay cozy, you know what I really want to get up and do the things.
And so what we know is that learning more and more, being a professional student of our industry or of our passion, doesn’t gain us competency and confidence, how we gain that is by doing it, right, and then fumbling a little bit and learning from that and realizing I’m still okay, nothing fell apart. You know, we create worst case scenarios in our head. And when we say them aloud, right, I will ask someone, okay, what’s the worst case scenario out of the, out of the, the situation they’re in right now? And they say it out loud? I’m like, Okay, now, what if that were to happen? Like, what? How would that really affect your world, your business, your credibility, whatever it is that you’re concerned about.
And it’s like, really, we’re focusing in on small problems, and we’re giving them way too much power, where we realize that the, the problem we’re focused on is really small, and our reaction needs to be really small to, or the emotional investment in that problem needs to be really small, right? The big problems, those are the ones that, you know, require outside resources, right, like, we we need a lot of different help. And so that can elevate, you know, our concern and our reaction. But, you know, these small problems that we allow to get bigger by like, separating on them, fixating on them, you know, finally confront them aloud. They’re really not that big.
And so my response to this is also, you can talk yourself out of something just as easily as you can talk yourself into it. It’s the same amount of time, it’s the same amount of energy, any sentence that you’re saying, like, oh, I don’t know, I feel like maybe I just don’t know enough right now to go and do this. Okay, you know what? I’m gonna take what I know, today and do the best of my ability, with that knowledge and give it my best shot. Yeah. So go and put the energy on the intention. And what you know, you’re never you’re, you’re sorry, I misspoke there. You’re always going to know more than what you know, right? In this present moment today.
Yeah, absolutely. And one of the things you just brought up a really good point about when you when you find a problem, it all depends on what you make it mean, right? Like nothing, anything that’s a problem is because your mind thinks it’s a problem. Somebody else might not even think it’s a problem. And I had this one conversation recently, where the person was making their clutter at their house mean that they were failing as a parent. Yeah, just stuff on their counter stuff on the floor means they are failing as a parent, because the kids aren’t cleaning up. And it was just such an aha moment because it was like, then wonder why you’re so you feel like things can’t get done. And you feel so like, fixated by this clutter.
Because you’re making it mean so much, right? We do these things in our business to or where, you know, we have a bad we don’t make a sale, or somebody says no. And we take it personally, rather than it’s about our business and business is going to get some yeses and some noes, and what can we learn from it? How can we grow?
And how can we be curious about it and all the things? And just the same with putting yourself out there? I’ve had clients who think, oh, my gosh, you know, people, I love talking to people, I love learning about people, I’m so interested to put my like, start talking to people, and then I have other people who think I’m a burden, I am embarrassed. I don’t want to, you know, be a bother, I don’t want to like and it’s just so different, the results that they get because of those initial thoughts. So what would you say?
If somebody you know, focusing on okay, I can I love what you said I could talk myself out of it just as easily as I talked myself into the problem, right? So what would be how do you go about that? I know you said you start doing little things. Focus on the data at hand. But what are some other strategies or things that they can do to start to chip that?
You mean to prevent them from avoiding doing the things that they’re, you know, intimidated about? Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, here’s the thing that, you know, we’re, as we move through our business developments, right, and our entrepreneur development, we are going to face different problems. And that’s a sign of progress. So first, I think it’s looking at, you know, the, the next level of problems, so to speak, and I’m using sort of air quotes, as I’m saying this, those are the necessary things that you have to go through in order to prepare yourself for the next level.
And whatever the next level is, it might just be the next level conversation with another, you know, person you’re networking with, or it could be a next level conversation that you’re having with a client. But you, we really have to see everything as with value. Right. So I think a lot of this is attitude. The other piece is language.
So, you know, let’s let me give you an example of how I had a client come to me working through a problem with communication or with problem resolution, really. And it was impacting her confidence, having future conversations that she felt, could end badly where there could be some conflict, right. One of the things she said was, I knew the other person, she was questioning me, you know, cuz, you know, coming back to this, she just kept questioning me. And I said, Well, let’s stop for a second. Was she questioning you?
Or was she asking a question? Right? Or did she continue to repeat the same question, right, and how those two things are so very different, but they can be describing the same behavior. And one really does speak to I’m personalizing this experience, where I feel like you’re challenging me, for instance, maybe that’s the interpretation, where she’s questioning me, like, she’s challenging me, she’s, you know, questioning my credibility, you know, versus, you know, she’s just asking a question, maybe she’s seeking clarification, she’s having a hard time connecting to my idea. So it’s really important that we look at the words that we’re using to even talk to ourselves.
And so when we say things aloud, and someone else can sort of reframe that and say, you know, let’s just check in here that all of a sudden just de escalates things where it’s like, okay, maybe I can just take myself out of this here. Um, you know, but to also speak to your point to in the audience that you really gravitate towards, is, sometimes we have to go back to asking ourselves, why we started this business to begin with, right, because if every time things get hard, you start walking away.
You know, that that’s, that’s a critical moment to really have sort of that one on one, you know, intimate conversation with yourself to say, you know, you don’t want to create this pattern, where every time things get hard, you start abandoning what you say you’re so passionate about. Because when you abandon yourself, in those situations, you’re really sending the message that you don’t believe in yourself, that what you’re doing really isn’t that important that it’s really not worth it.
And I know, in working with entrepreneurs, that that creates so much regret, and then shame. It takes so much more work to get in that restart mode, you know, for you have to really rally yourself and get yourself you know, back up on the horse to keep going than it does to just keep the momentum going. And so I think we have to do like that evaluation and checking. What does it cost me to avoid or procrastinate or just completely eliminate this thing that I don’t want to do?
Yeah, right. I love this little mantra from Elizabeth Benton that says keeping up is easier than catching up. And you’re so right. When you lose momentum. It’s so much harder to re find your balance, doesn’t mean you can’t, but it is really hard. So I think you make an excellent point there and also ask the question, why bother? So when you feel why bother? Why bother? It’s such a hassle. Why bother? Yeah. What’s the answer to that and that will get you through the tough moments. Yeah, you know,
Jeff Olson and he wrote a great book called The Slight Edge. I always go back to this book. And it’s, it’s, it’s an older book, but so relevant, right? And he talks about how the things that we need to do to keep ourselves in that place of brilliance, or I don’t really know exactly how he describes it, that’s I love using the word place of brilliance, the things that we need to do are so easy to do that they’re just as easy not to do them. Right.
So, you know, it’s, it really is just the perspective, it’s like, do it anyway. Just Do It Anyway, you’re gonna thank yourself in the and you’re gonna feel so much better when you do it, versus when you don’t, and then you have to sit there and beat yourself up or feel bad about it, like, nobody feels good. That doesn’t motivate anybody, you know? So,
yeah, yeah, totally. And. What would you say some of the things that your clients need to realize or work through, when it comes to shifting from just being out? I was at this, this event, and they were talking about in your business, you want to be a owner, and not just the operator. My, you know, a lot of my clients are, are in that stage. Where they are an operator. And. That’s okay in the beginning, because you have to get started and get going.
And. But. It’s, it’s hard to let go some of those tasks. Or to even have the time and capacity to think about your mission and be the owner. As opposed to just in the day to day tasks. So. What are some, like, ways or things that you have to work through? Or. I guess, tips when it comes to shifting? Or being able to balance? Yeah, and the stress of that?
Yeah, and everybody goes through this. I’ve never met a business owner, even myself, we all everybody goes through this transition. And, you know, at first, it’s evaluating what’s the busy work, and what’s the meaningful work, right? What needs your stamp on it? And what doesn’t? Because the busy work, if your to do list is just filled with all like, the clutter stuff, right? Which in the beginning is so important. You have to do yourself, but then there becomes a point in time, where it’s sucking the life out of you. And actually takes you out of your place of brilliance. Right. So. If, if my to do list is filled with, you know, social media marketing, and, you know, I don’t know, repurposing, you know, blog material and doing like transcriptions, you know, that kind of thing.
I’m not in my zone. Where I’m thinking and creating my next live talk that I’m going to do. You know, because I’m, I’m using different parts of my brain. And it’s taking that time and energy and creative space away from something that I’m really passionate about. And. I just need to develop the idea and the delivery, you know. Which no one else is going to do for me, that’s, that’s what I’m gonna do. The other thing, though, is, even if you haven’t reached the level, where you would consider yourself like the CEO,.
Or you know. The, the, you know, the full leader or executive or Guru in your industry. You know, someone in your life, who is that person to you, you know, or you’ve had that CEO, you know, in a previous position that you’ve worked in. Or you’ve had a mentor that you really respect. And I want you or your the client, right, who’s asking the question, I want them to think about?
What is the mindset of that person? Like, how do they show up for work? What are they putting their attention to? What are the things that they delegate? And what are the things that have to go across their desk? Um, you know. Because we, as we move on, and as we take on, you know, bigger responsibilities. We have to let go. We have to release in order to receive the next level of whatever that is. Um, you know, otherwise, you’re not going to be the best version of you. You’re going to be stressed out, reacting, you know, you’re going to end and that’s that you can be better than that. If so why not allow yourself to be better.
Right. I love that. Really good tips. Yeah. So is there any other suggestions when it comes to managing your emotions and not letting your emotions drive? Everything you do? I don’t do in your business.
Yeah, it’s, you know, this. This comes up all the time because it’s not the it’s typically are not the day to day task oriented challenges that come up that really set people back. Right. It’s typically the things that we personalize, it’s the rejection that we get, and then it sends us into a tailspin sort of questioning our entire business because one person out there said no to us, right? So it’s like, oh, gosh, I, I need to recreate my program before I put it back out there and say.
No, it’s just one little No. So it’s learning how to look at problems in a very different light. You know, one, one way might be just focusing on the numbers, for instance, right? So in the coaching world, you know, you’re looking at how many reach outs and how many relationship, you know, building opportunities do you have to do to then find your ideal client, right?
Tips to overcome fear
The one the demographic, you’re really looking to hone in on right? And so those relationships that you start building, how many of those turn into actual clients? And how many of those lands up on your follow up list? Right? And so you’re doing that through your email marketing campaigns, or looking at, you know, social media engagement and things like that. And so you, you start to know your industry numbers, and then you have to know your personal numbers, right? It’s when you look at it as a numbers game, because it is right, then we can take the emotion out of it really easily. You know, I was working with an author, and she’s putting out her second manuscript. And it’s like, okay, what are the industry numbers?
And then what were your personal numbers for your first manuscript? Right? So then all of a sudden, the work didn’t feel as tedious, she didn’t feel like she was just channeling in hours and hours of time, you know, into sending out, you know, writing the cover letters and sending out the manuscripts and things, or first, it’s just little summaries, but regardless, it didn’t feel as defeating and she wasn’t feeling as discouraged when she realized, okay, I really do need to send out about 100 of these, just to get four people to ask me for a full manuscript.
Right, like. Okay. So now. You know. After you’ve done 50, if you haven’t heard from to let’s just kind of look at some things, you know, after you’ve done the 100, if you don’t have the four, you don’t even have to yet, let’s again, you know, refine and adjust the approach, but we’re not going to spend the time refining and adjusting after 10. Right. Does it make sense? Right? And so that’s one way of really making sure that, you know, we’re not making an emotionally charged like, reactive, impulsive decision.
Totally. Love it. Yeah. I, I, one thing I had to do to in my businesses make up my own, almost like purchasing criteria, or what I choose to buy or not buy. So that wasn’t always just based on I just am so excited about this, this looks so cool. I’m gonna do it, it versus thinking about, okay, what is this benefit in my business? You know, what is?
Is this something I can take on right now? Like, you know, all those little questions that helped me turn it into more objective than emotional. So, really like the numbers, looking at your numbers, of course, that’s super important. And I think it’s good to hear the example of the author, because when I talk to people who are doing like LinkedIn, lead generation, which is one of my services, you know, we look at, well, how many dude? How many connection requests? How many get accepted? What do we need to change and improve and etc?
Ways to shift Imposter Syndrome
And, and you do, you have to test it first. And you have to keep refining, and you could keep improving, but a lot of times, it’s not, I think people turn it into Oh, my gosh, you know, it’s a, it’s, I’m the problem, when really, it’s just like, No, this is how the numbers are working. This is the average acceptance rate, like this is really good, or whatever. Now, whatever it is, but the data so data always is good to look at when you’re a business owner. So good tips there. Yeah. And tell everybody how they can find you and connect with you after this.
Yeah. So, um, directly you my website, heidigruss.com. Which talks a little bit about, you know, some of the work that I’m doing right now we’re gearing up to launch an eight week program. After having so much success with the longer transformation methodology. We’re doing sort of an eight week shorter version. And also on Instagram, you can find me at Heidi Gruss, the same with Facebook and LinkedIn so it would be a pleasure to connect.
Awesome, I love it. And for everybody listening if you need additional emotional Support and Accountability. You can join us in the health coach nation Facebook group, that’s facebook.com/groups/health Coach nation. If you’re a life coach, a Health Coach or Mindset Coach, come join us in the group. And we look forward to seeing you do more things Heidi, and thanks so much for coming to the show.
Thanks, Hailey. It was really nice meeting with you. Thank you
About Heidi Gruss
As a new business owner, scared to do the wrong thing, Heidi learned to leverage what she knew to be true as a clinical therapist-Trust the Relationship and This Too Shall Pass. Heidi brings those lessons into her coaching practice. She emphasizes strong, comfortable, as well as effective relationships with her clients. Heidi is a personal development coach, psychotherapist, and entrepreneur. She holds a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling. Heidi also leverages her academic background and practical work as a therapist to provide guidance, support, as well as results for her coaching clients.
Resources
- Complimentary Business Consult
- Health Coach Nation: Marketing, Business, & Mindset for Health Coaches
You can find Heidi Gruss on her website here.
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